Message from a Hostel – Back to the Future 16

Name and address, asked the Police Officer on the front desk. Alistair Shackleton Jones, came the immediate reply. Address Mr. Jones, asked the Officer again. It’s Shackleton Jones, replied Alistair. Listen here funny man, what’s your address the Police Officer demanded.  Oh! Feck, said Alistair to the Doc what address will I give them. I did not have an address in 1965. Are you two joined at the hip, asked the Police Officer. Navan, County Meath Officer, said Doc in response. Well Mr. Shackleton Jones you said that without moving your lips once. Some sort of ventriloquist have we, remarked the Officer. What’s the Dummy got to say for himself, the Officer asked.  Doc. J. Higgins also from Navan County Meath, said Doc. O.K. wait here my two lovely’s until we can find you some comfortable accommodation at our Inn, said the Officer laughing, as he walked towards the cells.

Right, said Doc let’s make a break for it there is nobody watching us now. What about the hand cuffs holding us together Doc, what will we do with them as we are trying to run down the street, said Alistair. Small problem Alistair, just a small feckin inconvenience one might say, said Doc. Right you two, follow me we have a nice room for the both of ye until the morning. Your charges will be confirmed when the courts open , disturbance of the peace, assault and drunk & disorder, said the Police Officer.  We were not drunk, cried Alistair in defence. Pull the other one Paddy, laughed, the Officer.

Just as Hig and Nora arrived at the Police Station, Alistair and Doc had been locked away for the night. Evening Officer, said Hig I am making enquires about two friends of mine, a Doc Higgins and Alistair Shackleton Jones. Well Sir, both men are guests of Her Majesty’s pleasure this evening, if you come back after 9.30am you might get to see them before their trip to meet his Lord Magistrate. Nora started to protest, say nothing till you hear more, said Hig as he encouraged Nora out of the Police Station.

Listen Nora, trust me there is nothing we can do for  Al and Doc till morning, said Hig. I need to get a Dog and Bone to call Harry the Liar and get him to get Lawyer Wilson to represent them tomorrow. We can see then about trying to get you all the Feck back to where ye came from, said Hig. I am worried about my Alistair locked up in that place, said Nora. Al  will be OK in there Nora. He can baffle them with bullshit and blind them with his sicence talk about Google, Facebook, Internet and future stuff, laughed Hig

The following morning Hig called around to pick up Nora at the Cat and Mouse. Right Nora first of all Lawyer Wilson is out of town so Harry the Liar is going to step in, said Hig. Is Harry the Liar a lawyer asked Nora. That’s just a small oversight ,said Hig. Harry went to law school but did not really complete the programme if you get my meaning Nora, said Hig.

All rise for the honourable Justice Donald Robinson, called the Court Clerk. Case number 916B your honour. The Crown versus a one Mr. Alistair Shackleton Jones of Navan County Meath and one Doc. J Higgins of the same address. Chief Prosecutor please outline the charges, requested the Magistrate. Please stand in my court room while you hear the charges shouted the Justice towards Doc and Alistair. I’ll feckin stand on your feckin head, said Doc under his breath.

Both men are charged with disturbance of the peace, assault and drunk & disorder, outside the Gresham Ballroom on Holloway Road in the early hours of this morning, informed the Chief Prosecutor. How do you plead, asked the Justice. Before the Doc or Alistair could open their mouths Harry the Liar jumped up from his seat and shouted my clients plead not guilty my Lord. And you are who, enquired the Justice. I am Harry Murphy of Murphy, Johnston, Mooney & O’Brien Solicitors in Dublin.

Holly Feck shouted Doc, I remember him that’s Harry the Liar from Galway, we are rightly Balloxed Alistair my man, yes rightly Bolloxed. Harry is about as useful as an ash tray on a motor Bike, cried Doc.

Well Mr. Murphy what is your defence, asked the Justice…….to be continued