Message from a Hostel – Back to the Future 18

Please state your name for the court and swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, requested the Court Clerk. Doc J Higgins, happy to be here your Lordship, stated Doc. Harry the Liar stood up and asked Doc to give the Court an account of the events of last evening. Doc started to provide his account of events when Harry sprung to his feet again and shouted, objection your Honour. Mr Murphy that’s the role of the Chief Prosecutor, Doc J Higgins is your client, surely you agree with his account of events. Sorry your Lordship I would like my objection overruled, replied Harry. Please continue Doc J Higgins, requested the Magistrate. Well your Lordship as I was leaving the Gresham Ballroom I stumbled on the steps and to protect my fall I accidentally leaned on three gentleman and we all fell out the main door. It was only then that the bouncers grabbed me, the three gentlemen ran off down street. Alistair was an innocent bystander who came to my assistance.  He was just trying to explain to the bouncers what had occurred. Before I knew it we were both in the back of a Paddy Wagon, and today I am a guest of Her Majesty’s Pleasure, smiled Doc.

That’s how it was, added Harry the Liar. Our case rests with the Jury. Mr Murphy there is no Jury in this Court room. I think you are either in the wrong Court room or even the wrong jurisdiction, replied Magistrate Donald Robinson.  Alistair looked over at Doc thinking how the Feck they were going to get rid of Harry the Liar before things got worse. Chief Prosecutor, do you have any questions for Doc J Higgins, asked the Magistrate. Well the Police evidence stated that they were first alerted to this matter when they saw the accused Doc J. Higgins wrestling on the ground with the three gentlemen, and these gentlemem are nowhere to be found.  Doc J Higgins story of events seems plausible more than I can say for Mr. Murphy’s defence your Lordship, I have no further questions, continued the Chief Prosecutor.

Harry the Liar was back on his feet shouting, I would like to present Exhibit A to the Court your Lordships. Please inform my Court what Exhibit A is Mr. Murphy, requested the Magistrate.  It’s a photograph of the outside of the Gresham Ballroom and clearly the Court will see that there is no sign of my clients in the photograph, replied Harry. Mr. Murphy can I ask you the relevance of this photograph and when it was taken, asked the Magistrate. That is a very good question your Lordship, the photograph shows nobody outside the Ballroom therefore no case.  I will have to refer to my key witness who is currently under protective custody on when it was taken, replied Harry the Liar.

A key witness Mr. Murphy?. Are you aware of this witness, Chief Prosecutor, asked the Magistrate. The Crown has no record of a defence witness and I understand the Police are not holding anyone in safe keeping for this case, replied the Chief Prosecutor.  I fail to see where your defence Lawyer Mr. Murphy is taking this but unless you have something more to add Doc J Higgins you may return to tyour seat. As the Doc passed Harry the Liar he whispered, listen here Sherlock Holmes, stay sitting down you Feckin Ejet, no more objections, key witnesses or Bolloxology out of you.

Mr Murphy could we hear from your client Mr Alistair Shackleton Jones…..to be continued