Blog & News

Month: July 2016

My Bicycle Saga – Happy Ending!

I had no alternative except to hire a private investigator (PI), who specialised in the detection of grand theft. It is official, my bicycle has been spotted in both Amsterdam and Beijing. The bad news is, it has been melted down, and it is now parts of some mobile phone. Most likely used by some international sales person to peddle their wares. Getting the news at this point was no shock. It was greatly reduced by the fact that the benefit concert organised by my pal Joe at the Longford Tennis Club was a great success. Even though, Queen, the Rolling Stones and U2 were unable to perform. I am assured fun was had by all on the night. Many thanks to Elvis, for turning up and putting on a great show since his last appearance in 1977. Funds raised on the night from the usual ticket sales, the donkey raffle, bar takings and the leprechaun hunt were exceptional. After all the expenses were paid off, a bicycle has been purchased along with a lock and antitheft device. They are now on their way to me, via FedEx (See photos). Thanks to all those who kept their eyes peeled, sent me photos of sighting, and to Joe for organising the successful benefit concert and couriering me over my new bicycle and antitheft lock. So great news, I will be saving shoe leather and back in the saddle very soon. Again racing through the morning heavy traffic, whistling as I go and ringing the bear bell for all to hear. Note to the robbing bastard(s), you may have thought you have got away with it, but the PI, Paddy MacCatchim is on your case.

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My Bicycle Saga! 3

Although several false sightings as per photos taken by those of you who are keeping your eyes peeled. I have it on good authority that my bike may have been stolen as part of an international underworld operation based out of Amsterdam and Beijing. Interpol have been engaged in tracking bicycles that have been stolen for the larger bicycle cities and new bike lanes popping up all over Europe. This has become a lucrative business with thousands of individuals willing to turn away from the busy motorways and seek cycling as their preferred form of socializing and relaxing drug of choice. This underworld organisation is run by cycleopaths who will stop at nothing to tell to you to “get on your bike”. As I continue to seek the truth and wear out several pairs of shoes walking the streets in the pursuit of justice. I feel I maybe be fighting a losing battle?

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My Bicycle Saga! 2

Just over two weeks now and still no sighting of my bicycle. No calls, no ransom notes, not even a Chinese whisper. Local informants have been interviewed and still not one word about my stolen bike. The police have said they could find Lord Lucan quicker. Just in case you have it Lord Lucan please return it and Mums the word as they say. When I’m out walking, I am looking at every bike that passes me. Could this be mine, resprayed and modified just to hide its real identity. What if its fecked against some dirty old wall or lying up a lane way covered in muck. My red bear bell rusting and the squeak gone from my blow horn. I can only imagine and wish for the best, that it is cycling its way across a beautiful field on its way to a wonderful home (with no small kids). There have been rumours of a benefit concert to be held to get me a new bike. To confirm these rumours, I phoned U2, the Rolling Stones and Queens managers, they would not confirm or deny. They were only prepared to provide “no comment at this stage.” P.S I’ll let you know when tickets go on sale. Note to Bike robbing bastard(s) – Admission Restricted

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My Bicycle Saga!

Not even one sighting, a ransom note, or a phone call from the bastard(s). Yes, it is almost a week now since the fecker(s) stole my bicycle from outside the Train Station (pub). I am starting to wonder, has my bike cycled away from home? Has this situation moved from a crime of stealing, to a missing bike scenario? Should I be placing posters on the lamp posts with a photograph, (even though I don’t actually have any photos of my bike) like if my cat had gone missing (for those of you who may be worried, the cats are fine). Should I make an appeal on TV, offer a reward? Has Mels’ bike gone and joined a traveling circus? Following its dream to be a unicycle on the high wire above the amazed crowd below. Shouting their ohhhhh! and aaaa’s, as the daring act takes place. Or joined a tandem, to form a three-piece band and go on tour in France. Travelling as “The Raleigh Boys”, “The Saddle Bags” or “The Cannondales”– who knows. Crazy thoughts but still no word. A week nearly gone since I was cycling with my hair flowing in the wind and a song in the air. Only the sound of heavy traffic all around me and the faint jingle of my little red bear bell, warning any wandering bears nearby to get lost. Back into the wilderness to chew on some berries rather than me. The mystery goes on – a full week now. Please keep your eyes peeled, there is always hope, right Bob?

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