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Day: March 21, 2014

Message from a Hostel – The Attitude Adjuster

The Archbishop started up the conversation  again.“My King, what we are about to unveil is a most clever and dangerous plan. It will give you as many wives as you wish and your own Church of England, breaking all ties with Rome.  This is why only we must  know before any first moves are made.  You can have all our heads on spikes if you find our proposal to your utter distaste.” “You are all walking on gallows ground Archbishop,” replied the King. “Your Majesty, let  King of Navan explain,” added the Manager . “King to King,” said the Doc. “Bottom line on this deal is you want to get the Queen out of your bed and Anne Boleyn into your bed and somehow make it all legal like.  Old red socks in Rome is saying  a big ‘no’, because he is scared of France and its relationships with Francis I and Charles V of the Holy Roman Empire.  If you upset the apple cart – we feel that Rome and the gang will wage war on England. Charles V of Scotland will attack from the North. “As they say that’s the height of it.  That’s it in a nut shell. You have the full shooting match on the table.” “You forgot to add the full jack and nory” added the Manager. “Correct,” replied the Doc.  “Listen Henry my good man, this is the only game in town here.” “I know full well that old Red Socks will shit himself if you protest against his decision not to grant you a divorce.  Here’s the deal.  You tell Red Socks to go and stick his decision up his arse. That you are starting your own Church of England and you are making Archbishop Cranmer the top man.  That you will protest and defend the lands of your Kingdom of England against any greasy Italian, French frogs, mad Irish leprechauns, or penny pinching Scots.  And that you can call on your allies in the West,” King Henry VIII jumped straight in and shouted,“Not the bloody singing Welsh?” “No,” replied the Doc, “the Americas, they are a bunch of pioneer cowboys over there, mad to get killing something. “I will travel back to Rome through France and deliver a very convincing message of your anger and readiness for war to both Red Socks and Francis I . Lady Catherine will travel back to the lands of Ontario and prepare the allies if needed.  Lady Nora will control the mad Irish.  Your top man here Archbishop Cranmer, (whom we will nickname ‘the attitude adjuster’ ) will start to set up the new church and control any disenchantment with the clergy.  Those who want to stay with Rome can feck off back there.” “The ‘attitude adjuster’, I like that name,” replied the Archbishop. A large smile came across the face of King Henry VIII To be continued….

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