Month: November 2012

“So you have no weapons to fight off these Russian soldiers?  And big guy how did you know my secret service number is 007?”  James asked.  “Never mind that now,” he continued, “what’s this machine?”  As James spotted the Higulator. “That’s our Higulator and ticket out of here, but we have no power to make it work unless you would like to cycle  the Doc’s bike up to a speed of 55Kph,” explained Alistair. “Jamesy my man, you better peddle like a mad woman racing down a boithrin, with her knickers on fire as this feckin jeep full of Hussar’s and I don’t mean vodka, is almost here,” said Doc. “Sure we might die another day,” laughed Alistair. James Bond rushed passed Doc and Alistair, pulled the bonnet on his car and whipped out the battery. He ran back into the shed and attached the cables to Doc’s Higulator. “Hey Doc, look at MacGyver over there messing with your time machine,” said Alistair. “Hey, how does this work?” asked James. Doc quickly ran over to the Higulator. Switched it on and turned the dials quickly just as the bullets started hitting the shed door. The battery power was enough and with a bright flash of light the shed shook violently and off in time they all went. As they started time travelling, James Bond turned to Doc and said, “Q never showed me this contraption back at HQ. What section of MI5 do you two work in?” “I’ve never worked for anyone except myself and Al here, who is not much good with numbers so I would say he thinks M fifteen is a biscuit cake,” replied Doc. The travelling shed came to a sudden stop. Doc opened the shed door, James Bond and Alistair were right behind him peering over each shoulder. “Holy Feck” said Doc To be continued…………..    

   Doc Higgins quickly closed the shed door and raced over to his bike to examine the Higulator.  Doc scratched his head and laughed out loud.  “Alistair the dial on the Higulator displays Russia, outside Moscow and the year is 1963 and we’re only back from 1965.  Looking outside the shed just now I don’t see anything except fields.  I have to figure out how the feckin’ shed travelled in time and not just my bike, Al my man, got some thinking to do.” “Doc, are you serious that we are in Russia and back in the feckin’ year 1963,” asked Alistair.  “I‘m really in for it this time with Nora, when she finds out I’m gone travelling again.” “Alistair, I think I know what has happened. When I attached the power box and transformer to the shed wall, the Higulator was connected and the shed travelled back in time with us inside. I have sort of created a Tardis, like Dr Who has” explained Doc. “Dr. Who, Dr, No, Doc Higgins, just turn the dials back Doc to the year 2012 and the location of your back garden we’ll be home, before Miss Moneypenny can say, did you put the bins out, it’s Tuesday,” replied Alistair. “Good thinking Alistair, but we have one small problem. I had the power supply plugged into the mains at my house and out here in the middle of the field we have no power. I’m not sawing the bollox off myself peddling my bike with you on the crossbar trying to reach a speed of  55Kph,” said Doc. Alistair went over and opened the shed door again and in the distance he saw a jeep full of soldiers chasing a car which was quickly approaching the shed from across the field. “Doc there is a feckin car racing towards us followed by a jeep full of soldiers who are firing bullets at the car. So as they say in Moscow ‘we must be Rushin,’ so get the Higulator doing something Doc and get us out of here,” shouted Alistair. The Doc rushed over to look out the shed door, just at the same time as the car screeched to a stop inches away. With that a man jumped out of the car and pushed passed the Doc and Alistair.  As he passed he said “afternoon gentleman, my name is Bond, James Bond. I don’t suppose you have any weapons hidden around this shack?” “James feckin’ 007 Bond me arse,” replied Doc. To be continued……….

    The Manager shouted out into the garden at Doc and Alistair who were still acting out scenes from James Bond movies, “listen you two, stop feckin’ around out there and go do something useful like clean your shed” “Right away ‘M’,” replied Doc.  “Come on Alistair and help me fix my new Higulator “ The Doc and Alistair return to the shed and started working on the Doc’s new time machine the Higulator.  Alistair continued to sing, “Ding Da Da Ding Ding Da Da Ding da da Ding Ding Da Da Ding Ding, Ding Ding Ding……” “Al my man, I have secured the transformer and power box to the shed wall and I need to secure the Higulator box to my bike before we start testing out this little baby,” said Doc Higgins. “Once we have everything secured I am sure if we make a mistake the shed won’t move and we will be okay” “Do you not need to cycle down a hill Doc?” “Not this time Alistair I have these training rollers here and I can just turn on this peddle motor and it will take the speed up to 55Kph and off I go.” “Okay Dr No” replied Alistair. I’ll just watch and stay out of your way this time. Alistair tinkered around the shed singing “Ding Da Da Ding Ding Da Da Ding da da Ding Ding Da Da Ding Ding, Ding Ding Ding……” While the Doc worked on his latest time machine. After some time had passed the Doc turned to Alistair and said, “I think I have it all sorted Al. It won’t be long before I can test this baby out.  I just have to fix a date in time and place and sort out this switch over here.  It’s important I keep the power switch off during this process Alistair.” The Doc continued to turn the dial on the Higulator. Meanwhile, Alistair is still acting out his James Bond role. He is at the far end of the shed beside the power switch and he is talking to himself, “Dr No you evil villain I have the power and I can put your lights out.”  Alistair pulls on the switch just as Doc Higgins was turning the dials on the Higulator”. The dials light up on the time machine and Doc turned and looked at Alistair who still had his hand on the power switch, “Holy Feck Al what are you doing?” shouted Doc.  But before he knew it there as a bright flash of light, the shed shock violently and then stopped.  “Turn the switch off Alistair,” shouted Doc.  “That was close,”.  The Doc looked at the dials and it displayed the year 1963 and Russia. “Sorry about that Doc, I was just feckin’ around,” said Alistair.  “I’ d best leave you to it and I’ll head back to Miss Moneypenny.” “Okay Alistair tell Nora I mean Miss Moneypenny I said Hi,” replied Doc As Alistair opened the shed door he stepped out into an open field.  He immediately jumped back inside the shed and shouted “Oh feck Doc I think it’s happened again, you have to take a look outside your shed and I don’t think the Manager is going to be too happy this time.” The Doc came over to Alistair and opened the shed door, “bollox Alistair. This does not look like my garden. Where the feck are we?” the Doc said in bewilderment. To be continued…….

“Alistair what are you up too?  Will you stop pointing your finger as if you’re shooting some secret agents, jumping over the couch and making those explosive sounds,” said Nora. “My name is Bond, Alistair Shackleton Jones Bond at your service Miss Moneypenny,” replied Alistair. “Alistair will you please stop throwing shapes in the sitting room and settle down. I am trying to write my business plan for the oil business,” replied Nora.  “The only bond you are Alistair is a right Prize Bond.” Alistair starts singing, “Ding Da Da Ding Ding Da Da Ding da da Ding Ding Da Da Ding Ding, Ding Ding Ding……” “I knew Alistair, I shouldn’t have let you go to the new Bond movie ‘Skyfall’ with the Doc Higgins,” said Nora. “Surely you mean Dr No, the man with the golden gun Miss Moneypenny,” replied Alistair. “I have heard it all now Alistair. So what are you calling the Manager?” asked Nora “Don’t mess with ‘M’, she is the boss lady,” replied Alistair. Alistair starts singing again, “Ding Da Da Ding Ding Da Da Ding Da Da Ding Ding Da Da Ding Ding, Ding Ding Ding……” “For feck sake Alistair, put your finger away and go shoot someone else, I have oil business to get sorted” said Nora. “Watch out Miss Moneypenny or you might just get painted all in gold,” replied Alistair. “Right Alistair Prize Bond, the only painting around here to be done is you finishing the painting of the garden shed, that you started on last week,” said Nora. “Okay Nora okay I’ll just head up and see the Doc” replied Alistair, as he shot the lock off the front door with his finger. Nora immediately phones the Manager.  Hi, I must be talking to ’M’,” said Nora. “M, who’s ‘M’ Nora,” asked the Manager. “Your new name according to Alistair who is on his way up to see the Doc and he thinks he is James Bond,” replied Nora. “The Doc is out in the shed working on his new model of the Higulater,” replied the Manager. “Nora, I think I see Alistair walking up the driveway; he’s just after shooting the neighbour’s cat and pretending to blow up our side gate with an explosive” Nora, he’s heading straight into the shed to Doc. What do you want me to do?” asked the Manager.  As she hears Alistair singing“Ding Da Da Ding Ding Da Da Ding da da Ding Ding Da Da Ding Ding, Ding Ding……” as he passed the back door. “The world is not enough for that fella,” replied Nora.  “As long as the Doc and Alistair Prize Bond don’t get into any more trouble like they did before it will be alright. Send the Spy who loves me home for his dinner later,” said Nora. “Will do Nora,” replied the Manager as she watched the Doc chasing Alistair out of the shed and shooting at him with his finger.