Month: March 2012

At the evening dinner table the following discussion was taking place. It was shocking to hear that there was a lady in the gentleman’s bar today. Caused such a terrible stir amongst the gentlemen, not lady like at all. Yes, shocking carryon for a lady, must have been a 2nd class or God forbid even a 3rd class passenger. How did she get to the 1st class deck, that’s my questions. What is the world coming too?  Next we will hear of these women suffragetts getting the vote, how ridiculous. Women voting sure how would they know how to think without their husbands. Started by the French you know, the Suffrage Movement.  Typical French, next we will have our road signs in French. Who speaks their language anyway. The Queens English, that’s what the world should be speaking. As for the Scots and Irish nobody can understand what they say. The Doc and the Manager approached the dining table. Good evening Ladies, how well you are looking this evening and of course I must not leave the men out, said Doc as he held the Managers chair for her to sit down to the dinner table. Evening Lady Higgins the other guests replied. Did I over hear you speaking about the French, asked Doc. Why yes, Sir Doc, we were commenting on their silly ideas, like the Women’s Suffrage Movement. Well Ladies the French might not play fair in their football games and I refer to Monsieur Thierry Henry but the vote will come for women.  I am afraid I have not heard of Monsieur Henry, replied Mrs Molly Brown, but I agreed with you Sir Doc women should have the vote. There was a shuffle of uneasiness from several of the other ladies around the table with the new direction of discussions. I say jolly good to that women in the bar today, Molly Brown continued. The manager piped up and said, oh! that was me in the bar today. I can’t really understand what all the fuss was about. Men and their little private clubs, a load of bollox that’s what I say.  My my Lady Higgins, replied Captain Smith must not upset the status quo now ladies. Weather getting a little chilly this evening Captain, are we sailing close to icy weather, asked Doc. No not at all Sir Doc, replied Captain Smith and I have excellent look outs in the crow’s nest for any obstacles in our way. Very good Captain, I might have a look at the crow’s nest before I visit the bridge tomorrow evening if I have your kind permission, requested Doc. Of course Sir Doc I would be delighted to show you around my ship. To be continued……

Captain Smith appeared the following morning on the Ships Bridge looking a little worse for wear. Are you Ok Captain enquired William McMaster Murdock, First Officer. Yes of course, replied Captain Smith trying to remember how many ones for the road he had drank with the Doc the previous evening. The Captain demanded a progress report from his fellow officers.  All ship shape and what a beautiful day for sailing, Officer Henry Wilde replied. All well on the Bridge Captain. Carry on gentlemen I will be in my quarters if required, replied Captain Smith. Oh! gentlemen I have invited Sir Doc to visit the Bridge. If I am not here when he arrives please summon me. Good night with Captain Smith then, enquired the Manager over breakfast. Yes my good wife I have an invite to the Bridge tomorrow evening on the 14th  to see how the ship is sailing. So today I think we might have a nice stroll on deck and meet some of the other guests, I belief John Jacob Astor IV is on board. I have a few properties he might be interested in, said Doc. After breakfast the Doc and the Manager set off on their stroll. As they walked the deck you could almost hear the Manager counting the life boats as she passed each one. The Manager turned to the Doc and yelled, my dear in my quick calculation the lifeboats only have capacity for 1,178 passengers and there is about 2,200 people including the crew on board. We better get you fitted into a dress for tomorrow night, she added. No worries, replied Doc there will be no iceberg bashing this time around. Well hello, Ms Gibson, said Doc as he greeted the famous actress. Please call me Dorothy she replied. Please meet my good lady wife and Doc introduced the Manager. Enjoying the voyage, enquired the Manager. Why yes Lady Higgins, what a beautiful ship, they say it is unsinkable. Yes similar to the SS Andrea Doria, replied the Manager. Ms Gibson went on her way a little confused. Well dear, time for a midday tibble in the lounge before lunch, said Doc. Yes, but let’s go to the Lads or Gentlemen only Bar and cause a stir so the ladies will have something to talk about over dinner, smiled the Manager. Great idea we will shake things up a little my dear, replied Doc. The Manager entered the Gentleman’s Bar first to me greeted with, excuse me madam this is a men’s only bar. I think you are in the wrong place. Shall I show you to the Parlour room suggested one gentleman in the bar. No, it’s quite all right. I am meeting my husband here. Could I have a large Gin & Tonic with ICE and a slice of lime, the manager requested. The ship’s steward looked around the bar to the shuffles and coughs of annoyance from all the men in the bar. The Doc entered the bar, Oh my dear here you are did you order me a drink he asked. With that the steward came over to the table where the manager had taken a seat. Sir Doc I must remind you that this is a gentlemans only bar and request that you escort Lady Higgins to the Ladies Parlour Rooms. I will do no such thing my good man and I would suggest that you feck off and get our drinks before I escort you out of here, replied Doc.  Well my dear pleasant morning, the Doc continued as a ripple of coughs and shuffles ran through the Bar. To be continued………

The Doc and the Manager were announced as they entered the dining room. Sir Doc and Lady Higgins, shouted the Ship Steward. This way another Steward called, as he lead them towards the Captain’s table. Good evening Sir Doc and may I say how lovely you look Lady Higgins. I am Captain Edward John Smith at your service. The Doc replied with, Doc Joseph Anthony Higgins and my good Lady delighted to be on board Captain. May I introduce you to your fellow passengers and guests, asked Captain Smith. Mr. Thomas Andrews the designer of this beautiful vessel. As the Captain continued to introduce the other guess, the Doc quietly said under his breath to the Manager, I think I recognise most of these tulips and I wish Nora and Alistair were here to see this all finery. Well Sir Doc may I ask what business you are in, requested Lord Havenothing. A bit of this and a bit of that, replied Doc but let’s say for the moment I am in the travel business and yourself Lord Havenothing. Stock Market, my good man, my money is in this new exciting business ventures of stocks & shares, he replied. I would suggest that you might think of getting the feck out of all your stocks & shares no later than 1928 and buy some oil fields instead, said Doc.  Oh! surely not Sir Doc, I am well informed that it’s the place to be in stocks and shares, one can’t lose. The Doc gave Lord Havenothing one of his stern looks (as to say you’re a feckin ijet) and in quick response his Lordship said, but I’ll make a good note of the year right now, 1928 you said Sir Doc. A large cake was carried to the Captains table to celebrate the Manager’s birthday. The entire room joined in the singing and good wishes. The pleasantries continued at the dining table with some light hearted jokes and outbursts of song from Doc, as the evening pasted away. A few remarks were passed amongst the other ladies to try and understand the meaning of some of the unusual phases spoken by the Doc during the evening dinner. Especially the meaning of “making a right bollox of it” or the use of that feckin Gobshit. Language not really heard among ladies, in fact most of the gentlemen did not really understand his terminology. As the lady guests began to retire from the table for the evening the Doc suggested to the Captain that the gentlemen or lads as Doc put it, might retire to the Bar for- “one for the road”. To be continued …………

The Doc and the Manager pulled up outside Alistair and Nora’s house in the MM Sports 1000.The Doc had installed the new Higulater Model 1,set to travel into a new time zone. Doc beeped the car horn several times and shouted, hey Al my man, we are off to change the future. Alistair and Nora came out onto the street. Hi Doc, what are ye both up to now, asked Alistair. Well Al my man both the Manager and I are heading back in time. Not back to 1965, said Alistair. No Alistair we are on our way to Ireland for April 12th 1912, replied Doc. That date sounds very familiar Doc, said Alistair. Wait a minute are you heading to Cobh in County Cork by any chance, asked Alistair. You got it in one my man were going on a cruise. It’s the feckin Titanic cruise, yelled Nora. Are you both mad, added Nora. I am going to change history, replied Doc. No feckin icebergs this time. Nora looked across at the Manager, who rolled her eyes up to heaven as if to say, yes Nora I hear you but you know what the Doc is like once he gets a crazy idea in his head. Sounds cool to me Doc I wish you luck with moving the iceberg out of the way this time, said Alistair. Will you not alter history if you try and change things that have happened in the past, asked Nora? What will be created is a parallel time zone.  It happens all the time Nora. Did you ever wonder what would happen if you had made a different decision or have you had a Déjà vu, asked Doc.  The fun is jumping into and out of the parallel zones all the time and experiencing  the differences, added Doc.  When I tested the new Higulater out last week I went back to 1975 and I got that fellow Spielberg to call his movie Jaws instead of the Shark. Listen Alistair, I have left a second model of the new Higulater in my work shed so if we run into any difficulties I may need you and Nora to come and get us. I guess you may have a few problems to deal with on the Titanic Doc, said Alistair. Have to go now Al, the Higulater is set for Queenstown harbour Cobh in Cork, 12th April, 1912. See you both when we get back from our adventures, shouted Doc as they headed for Knox Mountain.  Within a few minutes there was a loud bang and a flash of light. Alistair and Nora understood those sounds and flashes.  They knew that Doc and the Manager were now travelling in time. Good afternoon Sir Doc and my Lady, your luxury cabin is just down this corridor on the right-hand side, said the ships steward . Captain Edward John Smith has invited you to dine at his table this evening to celebrate the Birthday of Lady Higgins. The steward opened the cabin door displaying a magnificent room fit for a king. When the steward left their cabin with a handsome tip in hand, Doc asked where the Manager had hidden the bottles of wine. Doc we don’t have to hide wine in our luggage on this type of cruise. It is all free in the ticket price, replied the Manager. Feckin great, replied Doc. All I have to do now is get to know Captain Smith really well and see if he will take me on a tour of the ships bridge, laughed the Doc. To be continued…………