Month: January 2012

Doc, shouted Alistair as he went off down the dance floor after Hig. Hold up there a minute called Alistair, still trying to get the young Doc’s attention. What’s on your mind Al my man, asked the Hig. I am just coming to say goodbye Hig I am going back to the future tonight. Has the old me arrived Al, is he here, asked Hig with great excitement. I want to meet the old codger, said Hig. Listen Hig you can’t meet Doc, for if you both meet it could alter the future and we would all be fecked up, said Alistair. Ah sure feck it Al what will be will be, let’s just meet the old Jam Tart, where is he, asked Hig. No Hig, said Alistair it’s not possible but listen Hig I’ll get him to stand at the end of the ballroom and you can’t see him from the stage. Ok Al my man sounds good to me, replied Hig Al, that twist and twirl in the Bar I was chatting with called Nora she is your bird from 2011, I’m on the money there right, said Hig. Yes, replied Alistair that’s my Nora, you are always on the money Hig. Hey shes’a looker Al, nice fillet of plaice. Al what’s my bird like in the future land? She is the business Doc a real classy lookin lady, replied Alistair.  Wow Al that rocks my world, said Hig. I am going to miss you my China Plate, said Hig and tell Nora I had her feckin sussed from the get go. No worries Hig, sure we will catch up for a pint in the future, replied Alistair. I’ll be there, shouted Hig as he turned and went behind the stage. Alistair made his way to the front entrance to meet up with Doc and Nora. When he arrived they were nowhere to be found. Alistair then returned to the Bar where he saw Nora and Doc in full swing chatting to Jimmy the Barman. For feck sake Doc, we agreed to meet at the front door and get on our journey, said Alistair. Well hello to you too, said Nora, fecking missing for the last few days and not even a kiss, hug or a how’s your father. Oh sorry Nora I am just uptight about us getting out of here before the Doc and his younger self bump into each other, replied Alistair. Jimmy tells me that you have being holding court here most nights with what he calls the usual Cabin Cruisers. Filling their heads with all sorts of stuff about the future, said Nora. Only a few little hints Nora, just about Google, X Factor, Neil Armstrong, Lotto and Big Brother, just harmless stuff.  . When I told them that Ireland would qualify for the World Cup it was at that point they all laughed and would not take me seriously, said Alistair, Doc let’s all get going, said Alistair . Well Jimmy nice talking to you my man, said Doc. Mr Higgins the Hig is the image of you and I am sure he is delighted you have come to see him perform, said Jimmy. I am very proud of myself, I mean young Joey, said Doc. He will turn out OK despite his long hair and scruffy look, he’ll do good, said Doc. As the Doc, Alistair and Nora were crossing the back of the Ballroom towards the main door, Alistair over heard three guys say “as soon as that big Irish Paddy they call the Hig gets off that stage we are going to f**kin do him”. But it was too late the Doc heard the same discussion and before Alistair and Nora knew it, the Doc was dragging the three of them across the dance floor. The Doc managed to throw two of them out onto the street and as he was just about to grab a hold of the other guy to do the same about 5 big feckin bouncers jumped on the Doc. As Nora and Alistair tried to rescue the Doc and explain what happened nobody was listening. Before they knew it the Doc and Alistair were being fecked into the back of a Paddy Wagon which was located just outside the main door. Nora quickly managed to sneak back into the on looking crowd without being noticed. Hig, Hig, cried Nora up at the front of the stage Doc and Alistair have been arrested…….. to be continued   

Hey Nora how do you know Alistair, asked Hig. Quickly thinking on her feet Nora replied, Alistair Oh! I thought you said Alan, Alan is a cousin of mine who will be living in London, I mean is living in London. Thought you might be thinking of Al my man, said Hig. What will you have to drink Nora, asked Hig once again. I will have a glass of white wine, replied Nora. Hig and Jimmy started to laugh out loud. White wine, said Hig, listen girl no one drinks that shit in here. Hold on Hig I think I have a old bottle of Blue Nun that was left here after one of those fancy parties, said Jimmy. It’s O.K, said Nora I’ll have a glass of beer, you mean a half larger, replied Jimmy, coming right up my lovely. So Nora, asked Hig, what part of the old sod are you from? Monaghan, replied Nora, just outside Blayney. Know it well, said Hig. Courted around there for a few years before I decided to go out foreign. Will you stay in England or travel further afield, enquired Nora. Between you, me and the wall Nora, my mate Al says if you were to believe him I’m heading West  to Canada, would you credit that, said Hig, feckin Canada. Will you still be in the Showband business, asked Nora. This game is for messers and gobshits, replied Hig, I’ll not stay long at this. Listen Nora, I have to go on stage and strut my stuff, will you be still here when I finish the gig?  I’ll ask Jimmy to mind you so you’re not on your toblerone, said Hig.  Sure if I am not here when you get back, I might see you in a few years, replied Nora. Doc and Alistair peered around the door only to see the Hig and Nora in flying session up at the Bar. How are we going to get Nora away from you, I mean the young you Doc, asked Alistair. I’m quite a smoothy, said Doc as he watched his younger self in action.  Doc please concentrate we need to get Nora out of there and all of us back home to 2011, said Alistair. It’s just coming up to midnight and he will have to go on stage, once he leaves the bar we will go and get Nora, said Doc. Great Doc, but I need to say my goodbye to Hig before we leave the Gresham, replied Alistair. Back at the bar Hig said to Nora, you might see me in a few Donkey Ears,  there is something very Lillian Gish-y going down here. No flies on you Hig, replied Nora.  The Hig quietly attracted Jimmys’ attention and said, listen Jimmy keep your mince pies open and watch this twist and twirl tonight. I’m not sure what’s on the cards but I have a feeling something Easter Bunny is going down and no one is going to make a Garden Tool out of me. Here is a Saucepan Lid Jimmy, mince pies wide open my man, you get my drift, said Hig. Catch you later Nora, said Hig as he headed off to go on stage. Right Doc this our chance, you grab Nora and I’ll just catch up with the younger you before he gets on stage and have a wee chat, meet you at front door in 10 minutes, said Alistair. O.K Alistair my man, be careful we don’t want to lose each other again, said Doc. Hig, shouted Alistair as he went off down the dance floor after him……to be continued…..,  

Hi Hig, big crowd in tonight, said Jimmy the Barman, lots of nice looking Mother of Pearls. Get you a large philharmonic, asked Jimmy.  Sure, replied Hig we are not on stage until midnight. How’s that Artful Dodger or future man who you are hanging around with these days, enquired Jimmy. Look here Jimmy my man, old Al is not the worse, if I left him here on his own they would all think he was Radio Rental, replied the Hig.  That would make two of your you, said Jimmy. Less of the North and South Jimmy, I am just a little on edge as I am might meet someone I know later tonight, replied Hig Doc Higgins and Nora walked into the Gresham Ballroom and mingled straight into the crowd so that they could keep a low profile. The Boston Showband are playing here tonight it will be great to see the young you, said Nora. Just you keep away from the young me, replied Doc. With that Nora was dragged onto the dance floor by some big culchie from Monaghan. Doc then lost sight of Nora and started to make his way closer to the stage. As Nora was looking around the dance hall for the Doc Higgins, who did she spot except the Hig. Hello, said Nora by any chance are you the front guy in the Boston Showband, asked Nora. Nice fillet of plaice thought Hig to himself, not seen you her before, let’s have a Jack Palance, said Hig What the feck sort of talk is that, I did not understand one word you said, replied Nora. Oh! Sorry so you’re not from around here, enquired Hig. As Nora and the Hig where in conversation, the Doc spotted Alistair close by the Bar and made his way there. Thank God it’s you Doc, said Alistair as they embraced. Let’s get the feck out of here, said Alistair.  Hold your horses replied Doc, Nora is somewhere on the dance floor. Nora, what the feck is Nora doing here Doc, shouted Alistair. Now Alistair you must understand when you went back to the future Nora lost the feckin plot and she would not let me come back without her, surely you know what she is like, said Doc Higgins.  Well let’s find her and get going so we can all get home to 2011, replied Alistair.  That might be a bit of a challenge Doc thought to himself. Hig, I thought I just saw your Dad talking with future Man, who’s the new twist and twirl with you? said Jimmy as they entered the Bar. I’ll have a large philharmonic and what will you have to drink Nora ? asked Hig. Jimmy my man where did you said you saw Al, asked Hig. Alistair, shouted Nora out loud with excitement. Hey Nora how do you know Alistair, asked the Hig ……..to be continued…..

Hold on tight Nora we are all set to go, the Flux is set for London 1965, five days after Alistair arrived there, said Doc Higgins. I am holding on tight Doc and all set to go, replied Nora. Racing down the mountain with Nora on the crossbar, a sudden flash, whoosh and bang, Doc Higgins and Nora travelled through time back to 1965. Oh feck, we are travelling so fast we are passing out the buses, cried Nora, as they entered the London traffic. Nora it is all o.k. that’s how the buses work here in London they are very slow, replied Doc. Hold on Nora I’m going to come to a sudden stop, said Doc. With that the Doc and Nora went head over heels and landed in a heap on the pavement. My Lululemon gear is all torn and dirty Doc.  I won’t look nice for my Alistair, shouted Nora.  I just hope I have not damaged the Flux Capacitor with the crash, said Doc. This place looks familiar to me Nora, we are in North London – Archway, said Doc Higgins. It’s just 5.30pm we will need to hide out somewhere till the Ballroom opens at 9.30pm. We will need  to try and find out which showbands are playing tonight so I can avoid meeting my own self, said Doc. What about me meeting me  Doc,  asked Nora. Sure you were not even born yet so just make sure you don’t do anything that might affect your future you, said Doc. The Doc could see that Nora might be scheming something and noted in his mind to keep a good watch on her. Back at the Cat and Mouse where Alistair was staying the Hig and Alistair were chatting about heading up to the Gresham Ballroom later that evening. Hey Al my man, guess you will be going up to the old Jack Palance at the Gresham later. I have to keep watch for the future Doc so that he can get me back to 2011, replied Alistair. I can’t wait to meet him or should I say meet me laughed Hig. I don’t think that would be a good idea, replied Alistair, as the you now and the future you might end up having a few words with each other and starting a fight, replied Alistair. Oh! sorry Al my man, I just let a Jam Tart and it’s  the Reels of Cotton, said Hig with a proud smile. Well Doc nothing really changes in that department, laughed Alistair. While the Doc Higgins and Nora were hiding out waiting to go to the Gresham, Nora asked the Doc, you know that letter that Alistair sent you from 1965 how did that work. What’s on your mind Nora, my girl, asked Doc suspiciously. Oh! nothing just curious,  replied Nora. O.K its time to head down to the Jack Palance hall, said Doc. To the where, asked Nora. That’s how they speak here Nora the Jack Palance is “Dance” and we must get with the lingo so we don’t stand out in the crowd explained, Doc. Hi Hig, big crowd in tonight, said Jimmy the Barman …. to be continued…..

Nora, I have tested this three times and I think I have got it, said Doc Higgins. Is this the new Flux Capacitor Doc?, asked Nora. Yes replied Doc with great excitement. All I have to do now is get a new bike sorted and pick up a few things for the journey and I am off to find Alistair. Hey Doc we are off, I’m not letting you and Alistair out of my sight again. I don’t trust you two will stay out of trouble, said Nora.  Nora my girl once we have found Alistair in London in 1965 staying out of trouble will not be our problem, three of us on the bike to get back to here is the issue, replied Doc. Meantime back in 1965 – Hey Al my man, you think the future me has got the letter yet, asked Hig. I sure hope so, if he did he knows where I am and in what year.  The you in the future just has to work out what day to arrive here, replied Alistair. Well Al my man, I am ,going along with this just because you seem like a nice dude and I would not like to see you in the Flying Kite if you get my drift, said Hig. Not to mention that you’re great with the old Bag of Chips on the nags. Alistair what were those names you were telling me down the Battle Cruiser, something about feckin Google and Factor X stuff?, asked Doc. When the future you arrives which I am confident he will I will leave you a list of things that you might want to consider for your future, replied Alistair. Sure Al I’m going to be the President of Ireland, said Hig. Oh! that’s something I need to clear up with you Doc. That guy is called Michael D, replied Alistair. They are the feckin other side of the Higgins from Galway, I should have known that they would weasel themselves into the house in the park, replied Hig. Right Nora, get yourself ready we will be leaving in an hour, look for something to wear that won’t stand out in 1965, said Doc Higgins. Now all I have to do is set up the Flux Capacitor for London 1965, Doc muttered to himself. As the Doc was sorting out the bike and attaching the new Flux Nora headed off to get ready for the journey back into 1965. Hey Doc how does this look on me, will it work for rock & roll 60’s, asked Nora. Lululemon girl it will have to do as we have to get on our way Nora, replied Doc. The Doc Higgins and Nora made their way to the top of Knox Mountain. Hold on tight Nora….to be continued…..

Nora it’s great news, this letter was delivered this morning and the postman just said, I know we might be late with delivering post but this takes the biscuit.  It’s a letter from Alistair and the post mark reads London 1965, said Doc. Feckin 1965 Doc, I wasn’t even born then, what does it say? asked Nora.  Let me read it to you Nora, replied Doc Higgins. Dear Doc Higgins You fecking ijet I am stuck here in 1965 with this lankie long hair younger you that plays in a showband, backs women and rides horses (maybe I got that backwards). The Doc here in 1965 has no fecking idea of a flux capacitor, talks in riddles, the Ben Lang and I have no hope in getting back to my Nora unless you come and get me Doc. Although to give the Hig as they call you here in 1965 credit, he did come up with the idea of sending you this letter. By the way your bike and the Flux Capacitor are rightly knackered. I am staying on Hatchard Road in North London and I will go to the Gresham Ballroom every night till you come for me. If you don’t come for me and I am unfortunate to end up here with the younger you I‘ll do my best to make something out of him.  I know that this may change the future but so be it, I will have to learn the lingo here from the Hig . By the way Doc I know it will not come as a surprise but your younger you is convinced that he is going to be the President of Ireland. Regards your friend Alistair PS Your younger you says to tell you – Way to go Joey, way to go my man.   Now Doc what are you going to do now, asked Nora. Well Nora my girl I am going to go get Alistair back, all I have to do is work out how I built the first Flux Capacitor and I’ m on my way, replied Doc Higgins. There is one catch though Nora I can’t meet my own self in 1965 as this could change the future and we would be all be fecked, said Doc. Well Doc you can put a cross bar on your new bike contraption with your new Flux Capacitor cause I’m feckin going with you, said Nora. Nora, I have tested this three times……to be continued….

Doc can you just imagine for a few minutes, that I have come here from the future to your time 1965 and you were the cause of this crazy event happening, said Alistair. Will you please put me down you are choking me Doc, cried Alistair. Anymore of your cock & bull story and blaming me for you arriving here, Al my man and I’ll stuff your feckin Tardis phone box you know where shouted, Doc Higgins. Listen good Al my man, you will be landing on the moon along before any of those Russians or American space race feckin ejits, yelled Higgins. Gobshits are one thing but feckin ejits waste my time, said Doc Higgins. Doc, Doc please hear me out, cried Alistair. Stop calling me Doc you little bollox, replied Higgins. Listen said Alistair, as he continued trying to convince the Doc Higgins about his invention. Does the word Flux mean anything to you, asked Alistair. Flux replied the Doc, that’s some kind of Faith & Hope you feckin ejit. What is Faith & Hope Doc, asked Alistair. Faith & Hope my man is what you wash yourself with, soap Al baby soap, replied Doc Higgins. No that’s Lux Doc oh! sorry I meant Hig, replied Alistair in fear of getting choked again or feck out the window. Alistair was desperate at this point trying to work out how he could convince the Doc that he was from the future and in the year 2011 with the Doc’s time machine he arrived in 1965. Ok the gear is in the Van and as they say in the hills of Connemara let’s get the flock out of here, shouted the Doc as he stood up to leave. Hey Jimmy the Doc shouted, you and the other Garden Tools here can Rabbit and Pork on with future man Mr. George feckin Orwell here. As the Doc was leaving Alistair shouted after him, put all your shillings on Jay Trump to win in the Grand National on Saturday…. Hey Hig my man what has you in here today? …. To be continued ………