Blog & News

Day: February 15, 2010

Just another day

How many people felt this morning as they awoke, “Oh no, it’s only Monday?” The start of another week and the weeks are going so fast. We are into the middle of February already. While the saying ‘time waits for nobody’ is correct – one thing we are sure of is time will keep passing. Whether you are looking forward to something new in your life, or something that you may not be happy about, one thing is for sure – the time will come and pass. The quicker we respect our time and take care not to waste it, the better we will feel. So, from tomorrow onward, when you wake up no matter the day of the week, meet the day with excitement and joy. Tell yourself this is your day and, “Today I will have fun, laugh and bring a smile to those special in my life.” It is your decision how you will face everyday. Certainly it is not always easy and yes life is difficult – but you have a choice and you  decide.  Have a great day – every day.

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Remind me again – it’s Valentine’s Day

Happy wishes to all lovers – and remember – there are no limits when it comes to love. Love is in the eye of the beholder. I often think of the barriers people place before them as they seek to choose that ‘special’ person in their life. They decide that the person must be this or must be that, or they must look like this or that, they must have this or must have that. These false beliefs are really just chasing the Hollywood image. If we  listen to the person’s heart and forget about looks, forget about  money, and forget all those false images and wants then we can easily find happiness in our choices. Just listen to their heart – for it is from there they will speak to you. When it all comes down to it, most of us just want to feel loved, have fun, and be happy in our world. The person that will help do this for you is the person that is right for you. You can hold all the other false images in your fantasy world, but if you don’t have real love you have nothing. So, make sure when you have found that true love in your life that you work hard to keep it – and deliver on your commitments to the relationship. One way is to communicate with your partner on all levels. If you have trouble doing that then work at it, for honest communication is vital in a meaningful relationship. We should not need a special day in the year to remind us to look after the one we love; one day to tell them they are loved, make a little fuss about them. We should do it every day. If Valentine’s Day is the one special day we decide to have fun with our partner and make them laugh then it is likely one of the last days we will be with that person. Don’t wait for Valentine’s Day to let them know how you feel about them. Do you need one day in the year to remind you, or will you remember every day? Change is in your hands.

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Measure of Success

Who decides the measures of success in your life? Who or what are you comparing yourself too? Ask yourself why you are making these comparisons? Stop right now and ask yourself what is important to you, and who is important to you  in your life? The truth is you, and you alone, decide the measures of success in your life – no one else. Stop comparing yourself to others as you are unique and beautiful. There is no one else like you in this world, we are all made different and special. We often spend our time worrying what people think of us and then finally realize that it really does not matter. Remember – what others think about you is none of your business, what you think about you is. You set your own measures of success in this life. Tell yourself how great you are, love yourself, and tell those that matter in your life they are important to you and that you care for them. Don’t wait just do it now.

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Problem or solution

I am sure you have heard of the saying, “If you are not part of the solution you are part of the problem.” Another saying you might have come across is,“Don’t bring me problems bring me solutions.” Well, how does this sound, the solution is – “I am leaving because the problem is you are an asshole,” or, “I am part of the solution – good bye.” If one can’t understand or see the issues and problems than how are they expected to see the solutions? It is only through communication with others that we are able to first recognize if there is a  problem – and secondly – to arrive at some form of acceptance that things might need to change. Non-communication is definitely a sign of a problem. The quick solution is to start talking about it. So just stating, “Don’t bring me problems, bring me solutions” will not accomplish anything except more problems. Lots of people will not recognize there is a problem in the first place, or if they do have a problem they may not acknowledge they need to get some support with how to solve it. Whatever the issues are that one needs to deal with – big or small – we all need support. If one could solve the problem on their own there would be no need to tell others because there would be no problem. When someone reaches out to you they are simply seeking your support or advice – yet often what they really  need if just for you to listen. You might not be asked or expected to come up with the solution. Sometimes we just need someone to listen and say nothing. So the next time you hear someone saying, “Don’t bring me problems, bring me the solutions” – the real problem is you are either working with or living with an asshole. Who do you need to talk to, or who do you need to listen to today?

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Please use my name

When we are born we are all provided with a name, carefully chosen by our parents or guardians. A considerable amount of thought and discussion goes into what you will be called. Most of us like our name and are very happy to continue to use it throughout our lives. Sometimes, for reasons we may not know or understand, our name gets changed by others. Often they are shortened – for example from William to Bill, or from Desmond to Des. Some of us are given a nickname or called by our family surname  like ‘Doyler’ or ‘Harris’. One example of a nickname I came across was a man called ‘Leaky’ Doyle who was a local plumber. When we were children and met someone for the first time we would nearly always ask them, “What is your name?” Yet when we get older we seem to loose this quality of interest. Once, while working with a very senior team of executives, I asked the question about the type of culture they believed they had within their organisation. Various responses came back but one of the agreed responses was that they were very “employee focused” and they “cared for their people” because this “would reflect onto their clients.” Each of these executives passed their receptionist nearly every morning, yet when I asked them what  her name was less then 10% of the room could tell me. How many people do you pass each and every day in your workplace and use or even know their name? What about when you buy your morning coffee or newspaper, or purchase a  transport ticket, or pay for your petrol? Do you ask them their name? Most people working in retail shops or customer services areas have name badges – do you use their name to say thank you or even just hello? I suggest that you never loose that child quality within you. From today forward ask and use my name.

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Have you a balance in your life?

In the Chinese tradition we are now entering into the year of the Golden Tiger on February 14, 2010. We are leaving 2009 which was the year of the Ox, so one could say we are coming for the back of the Ox onto the way forward of the Tiger. The Ox represents hard work, and is patient and tireless in its work. I am sure 2009 for many of us was just that hard work – and taking very little risk. The Tiger represents courage, power, passion and royalty. The Tiger also symbolizes the female Yin energy, which I believe we need more of in creating a balance in the world right now, just as we are coming out of a very dominate male Yang energy. We have seen and experienced where that has got us in the world. For example the financial crisis and fear of terrorist attacks. We are very lucky to be entering this period as the world itself is creating a balance (as it always will) in order to survive. Yet, for the Golden Tiger to bring this balance,  we need to ensure  our contributions  balance with Yin energy. The Tiger is daring, courageous, and passionate – and so must we be in our lives going forward. We must have the courage to continue and live our dreams, we must dare to be different, as we are each unique. Different from the crowd. Not just going along with what we know is wrong. We must have the passion in our hearts  in order to provide those in our lives with the help and support they may need. The Chinese word for a crisis is Wēijī which means both danger and opportunity. This one word  balances  two meanings,  opposites which protect each other. In my many years work with individuals and groups I have continually examined where the imbalance may be in any of the following areas of their lives: Health, Relationships, Finances, Career, Spiritual. Whenever this imbalance shows up it often indicates a difficulty within one’s personal growth, and often the ability to move on with their lives. So we must look at each area and understand where we feel the crisis is, and seek the opportunity to heal, grow, and move forward. Many of you reading this may well know internally where you feel the imbalance is in your life. Some of you may be blind to it and need the right support to help find it. For some it maybe having the courage to do what is right. For others it will be taking that first step to put things right in your life – the step you know you should take for you and others. While I was writing this blog it reminded me of a book I recently read written by Brendan Foley ‘The Yin Yang Complex’ it is well worth reading. So starting now in this year of the Golden Tiger  -have the courage and passion to make the changes you know you must in your world.

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Personal Accountability

Why do Irish politicians not accept personal accountability for their actions in public life? Look at the recent events and scandals with semi-state spending, expenses and decision on infrastructure projects, and the enormous over-spends and wastage. Yet not one public employee or minister has been fired. Why? It is a shame on those who know what the right position is to take,  yet do not have the courage to make those decisions or take action. They make all the excuses – and hide behind legal advice. Thankfully, I still believe there are other legal people that would offer different advice  and take the  right course of action. One’s charter is one of the most important things in your life. Our current politicians (with no emphasis on any particular party) have a lot to answer for yet not one of them will accept accountability and take action. All I can say is – you have failed to fulfill your commitment to the people that you serve. Failure to stand up and do what is right is a failure of leadership. Recently a CEO within an organisation was directly informed of an employee at management level who was dishonest. His behaviour was totally unprofessional and he bullied individuals, yet the CEO failed to do the right thing, failed to take action and demonstrate that such behaviour was not acceptable or to be tolerated within their organisation. What a weakness in their leadership. What does this demonstrate to others within the organisation,  except that it is OK to behave like this, that this behaviour is acceptable? This is just a small example, but when our politicians are doing the same thing – then what is the culture they create within our society? How come they expect others in society to be accountable for their actions and behaviours but not them? Find me an honest politician and you will find a true leader that people will respect and follow. Why? Because they will be accountable. When the time comes they will do the right things. I had finished writing this blog when I heard on the radio that George Lee resigned from politics for his own reasons. And most of the people have commented on his honesty and willingness to create changes. I don’t know George Lee at all, but here is a man that has taken accountability for his own decisions and stood up to be counted. If there were only others like him, who stated, “Yes there is something very wrong with the systems we have.” I have also heard on the radio some of the negative comments about his decision. If you are not honest with yourself – who can you be honest with? Do you accept accountability for your actions? Remember – what gets honoured in an organisation or country – gets done. Where is your personal leadership and dignity for yourself?

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Time is precious

Ask yourself the following five questions: How important is time to you? Do you know what you spend your time on? Do you waste your time? How much time have you got left on this earth? What will you do from this moment on with the time you have left? One thing that we all have that is equal in this life is there are 60 seconds in one minute and 60 minutes in one hour. This time measurement is given to us equally. It does not matter who or what you are, how clever you are, your colour, you religion or beliefs, if you have money or not, we all have the same measurement in time, 60 minutes in one hour. Yes some of us may spend a longer time on this earth than others and one could say you have received more time than others. It does not matter how long you have  – it is what you do with the time you are given that is important. Remember if you ask somebody for a lend of money say €50 euro, they can always repay you at some point in time and you will get your €50 back. If somebody asks you to spend time with them , say 20 minutes, you will never get this time back in your life. Only you can decide how you spend your time and with whom so don’t waste it. We enter this world with nothing  and we will all leave the same way – with nothing. Maybe we will be asked what did we do with the time we spend here? How will you respond? This may be the only measurement we will be judged against. So from today onward.  don’t let others steal and waste your time and don’t you waste other people’s time. Think of all those minutes that you sat waiting to meet somebody while they kept you waiting out side the office or waiting at other locations. Think about all those times you spend in wasted meetings or doing things that others want you to do,  and you were just to nice to say NO. Concentrate on what, where, and with whom do you want to spend your time? Find out now and just do it- because the majority of us can’t answer question number four. So use your time wisely and with goodness.

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Honesty

I recently heard on TV a UK Politician called Nick Clegg MP saying, “What we need is honesty.” Well that’s a good one – a honest politician! I am not saying that Nick Clegg is not honest, but still it was a shock to here a politician using such words and fair play to him if he really means that he wants honesty in the world he lives in. That is why I wrote his name down at the time as I have not heard of him before or such words from an politician.  Well done – if you mean it, Nick. However, I would first ask him one question. Are you honest with yourself Nick? His comments inspired me to write something today about honesty. How do you feel about honesty? (Dare I say, be honest). Would you like people to be honest with you and say it as it is? Or would you like them to lie to you? Are you always honest with people in your daily life? There is either the truth or the untruth. You are either honest or dishonest in a situation. You can paint a lie whatever shades of a colour you like, you can call it whatever you like, (“It’s only a little lie or a white lie”), but the fact is  something is either true or untrue. How honest are you with yourself? If you can’t be honest with yourself who can you be honest with? If you demand honesty from others then start with yourself. Honesty is something I will write about from time to time but for today – what is it that you need to be honest with for yourself ? Here is your task for the next 24 hours. Whatever the issue is be honest with yourself and whatever the question or situation is be honest with others. Try it. It may not be easy but you will feel great if you are honest in your life. Honest.

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Building your character

One’s character is one of the most important assets you have, and to build character we all need to learn and seek learning from life. If you are finding things difficult at this time in your life look for the learning. A rough road will help to build your character. Think of those whom you admire and look at their journey in life. Was it easy? I would suggest not. Did they learn and come out the other side of their difficulties. I would suggest yes. So for today believe in yourself and turn the issues that you are finding difficult in your life into thoughts of joy -for you can learn and grow in your life to be strong and continue on the path for which you are here to achieve. Ask yourself how will I grow in character today-  and smile today for you are learning to grow and live your life.

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